The Offseason

Now that the road to first championship trophy has ended the championship ring was unveiled last night to the masses and as you can tell by picture above the crowd was speechless.

Punch Bowl 8 logo Unveiled early

Just 2 days after the Punch Bowl 7 Logo was unveiled the league unveiled the Punch Bowl 8 logo which is shown below.

Strange Happenings for Season 7

One thing to note this season is that teams will play 17 games this season because the League's Schedule maker forgot to add bye weeks to the games this season. He was given a raise for his obvious mistake despite the cirmcumstances. The league noticed this mistake too late and refused to start over and remake the schedule. This season will go down as the 17 game season. Many players we're sadened by this tragic turn of events. Another thing to note is that we won't have the regular Divisional games either and the Schedule was completely randomized.

Also the Punch Bowl 7 logo was unveiled last night in a press conference held the logo is shown below

Here are the Uniforms

The Hippies will be sporting new Uniforms this season. Well actually the uniforms will remain the same with some changes made to the jersey and some colorfull stripes we're added to there very odd and zany uniforms. Many old fashion fans who like to keep tradition are expected to protest. Hippies all over the world are expected to join in on the rally.

Season 5 RMFL Draft

The number 1 overall pick was Pretty Boy Quarterback Brady Bunch who was selected by the Goober Town Pandas.

Walter Dickerson was picked by the Waterless Sharks who really needed a Running Back this season.

Cornerback Deion Lott was drafted by Los Diablos

Lance Workman was drafted by the Killer Iguanas.

Only Brady Bunch and Walter Dickerson we're top ten Draft Picks.

Draft Picks for Season 5

Well we don't have much to report in this department our scouting department sucks. They are over paid and underworked scumbags.

From outside sources we know that these will be the top prospects for Season 5

1. Quarterback Brady Bunch He's expected to go number 1 overall simply because of his looks. Brady has never won a game in his life but just based on looks this kid will bring the league tons of money.
2. Running Back Walter Dickerson He could be the next Leeroy Medina you never know. This kid can play both Halfback and Fullback and is an excellent Blocker. He only has one flaw!!! He can't compete with QB Brady Bunch's good looks.
3. Corner Back Deion Lott This guy runs like a turtle and tackles like a 5 year old girl but he can trash talk with the best of them. He is also good at cheating and rarely gets caught.
4. Wide Receiver Lance Workman Lance runs like a Chicken and leaps in the air like a flea. He got kicked out of college for having his own line of shoes and starring in a low budget porn film. He was also caught spanking the monkey at the Zoo. The Monkey is waiting for him to turn pro so that he can sue his ass for alot of money

The Draft

Not much to talk about here the first overall pick was Quarterback Carlos Bracken who was drafted by the Mohica Riots

The Riots concentrated on offense during the draft they also drafted Running Back Alonzo Walker. Other Expansion Teams like the Nuclear Powered Nuns focussed on defense. There first pick was DB Maximus Martinez who can play both corner and safety in the same play.

Other teams who Focussed on defense we're the Killer Ponies. They should've done that last season instead of trying to build around Leeroy Medina. Leeroy did good and he was an excellent pick but after that the Ponies shoulda went after defenders..

New League Alignment

The league has expanded to 32 teams incase some of you didn't know and so a new team alignment was put in place. The league will now have 8 divisions spread across 2 conferences as shown below. In 4 seasons we have now seen 4 different alignments and that makes it hard to get some rivalries goin.

Okay so now some new rules will be put in place and the league will obviously have a new play off system since they expanded to 32 teams. Most likely it will be similar to 12 team playoff system that the NFL uses 6 per conference

The Reggies and Nuclear Powered Nuns finally show off there Unis

Dotre Name Nuclear Powered Nuns Uniforms

Doodle Town Reggies

A new Farm System in the Works

A new league will be created and this league will be a Farm system similar to what Baseball has to offer. Some of the teams that will be in this league come from leagues that once existed and league that exist to this day. The league will be named the Universal Football League and currently it has 117 teams in it. Players who get rejected by colleges can join after High School and the age limit is 17 years old. Players who made it thru College but still can't make it into the pros will also be able to join.

Some teams the obvious ones like the Riots above will have the same name and uniforms as there RMFL counterparts and some won't. This league has been talked about before and has been slowly coming to life. There have been a few exhibition matches here and there this past week and more will come this week.

Mostly to evaluate players at this point and to see if they have what it takes. This league will have a 32 team playoff tournament and a 16 week regular season and will have 2 conferences with 4 divisions each.

Teams for Season 4

Well by now you already know about the Postal Workers and the Horny Devils teams for the Upcoming 4th season. The league wanted to expand to 32 teams before Season 4 gets going and it looks like they will accomplish this impossible feat. 4 Teams are scheduled to join and here some of the other Teams which held press conferences earlier this morning to make it official.

The Mohica Riots

We have no idea where Mohica is located but they our one of the newest cities to snatch Football team which makes league officials very happy. The Team is Lizzy Gordon the chubby girl who whacked her folks with a axe. Actually it was never proven but some folks remain spectacle.

Lizzy Hired Peeper Triblowlicek a High School Football coach who never won a single game after 5 seasons. Lizzy feels he's do for a win so she's giving him his shot at overcoming such huge odds. She's paying him minimum Wage to get the job done and the Coach said he's up to the challenge.

The Mimia Waterless Sharks

The Mimia Waterless Sharks are the team from the Moonshine State of Amurica. The Owner of the team is actress Screw Mesomemore who starred in such movies as Poison Oak, G.T. Gross Terrestial, and Chuck's Devils. She hired Scoop Puppy Dawg that weed smokin Rapper/Pop Warner Football coach who led his sons team to an undefeated season finally gets his shot at the big time well not really the bigtime but still.

The Waterless Sharks name comes from an incident that occurred back in 1983. On a Sunny Afternoon on August 14 1983 the City of Mimia was attacked by roughly over 3,000 Sharks that appeared to be out of water and completely dry. These Waterless Sharks came out and killed everyone in sight and actually broke into homes, Businesses, and schools. They killed everyone in the city with the exception of 6 people who slept thru the incident.

No one knew where they came from or where they went after the bloody massascre had occurred. There is some news footage that was recorded of the attacks but apparently the government thought it was fake because these sharks we're 9 feet tall and looked unreal. By the time the government got off there lazy asses to help it was too late and the Sharks we're no where to be found. Somehow the City rose from the ashes and is still on the road to a full recovery.

It only took the Sharks 3 days to wipe the city clean. Screw named the team the Waterless Sharks to honor those who died in that massacre. Scoop Puppy Dawg says if those Sharks come around again he will be ready for them. The team will donate nothing to Families who lost loved ones in the Waterless Shark Massacre of 1983.

Also noted the Waterless Sharks are the 2nd team to have alternate uniforms in league history. The first team we're the Woodstock Hipis.

The other 2teams

The Nuclear Powered Nuns

No uniforms have been shown to the public yet and no formal announcement has been made because there is a dispute as to which city will carry the name of the team. The Stadium was built in a small suburb between the cities of Dotre Name and Sheemugan. So this team still remains a bit shady but will be ready for the upcoming season.

The Doodle Town Gremlins/Reggies

This team is set to go as well but is still deciding on what to name the team. They are letting Doodle Town vote for the best name. The voting will end in about a week and it's between the Gremlins and the Reggies.

Line Shifting

In this offseason the first thing that was discussed was line shifting. You may have noticed the scores started getting lower and the sacks had gone up in the laft half of the season. The Leagues sack leader had 37 sacks for the season and that was because of line shifting. They we're considering making it illegal this season to protect the Quarterback and to bring the scoring back up but it ended up being a draw.

Line shifting is illegal in most arena leagues and now we know why. But some of the owners believe that the pretty boy QBs need to smacked around a bit to make sure they don't get too cocky.

The new League alignment

With new teams entering the league changes had to be made to the league alignment and it's as follows.

The Draft went down no big Whoop

As expected the Killer Ponies drafted Half Back Leeroy Medina first overall and he told everyone he was gonna hold out for a lot of money but the Killer Ponies signed him on the spot. As a signing bonus they gave him a Ten Dollar gift certificate to a fast food joint. The fast food joint in question was not revealed to the press.

Punch Bowl 3 logo unveiled at a Local Bar

The Punch Bowl 3 logo was unveiled this afternoon at the not so famous Chugs sports bar to a couple of drunks. We we're the only reporters present at the scene. Adam Shafter crapped his pants because he couldn't make it to the can on time. BSPN columnist Len Pasquabelly was supposed to be on hand as well but his food bill is really huge so he opted out. The logo looks okay I guess

For the upcoming season we will see 4 new Teams enter the league. The new teams are as follows

Kotechs Bloody Tampons
Goober Town Pandas
Tinsel Town CrackWhores
Cochino Valley KillerIguanas

The Bloody Tampons are owned by Famous Feminist Doria Allred and will be coached by Paul Michael Stevens who is a band member of the band with the same name.

The Goober Town Pandas are owned by the Famous Author Dr. Goose who made the popular childrens book Green Weed and Beer. Jete Marroll will coach the team in battle.

The Tinsel Town CrackWhores is owned by the Famous front lady Tourtney Dove, the lead singer of the band Slut. She hired famous basketball star/ drag queen Rennis Jodman as her head coach. It is also rumored that they are having a very steamy love affair.

Cochino Valley KillerIguanas

The Killer Iguanas is owned by Pelvis Chestley and will be coached by Chester Bigbewbs

These teams will pick last because the league felt that the teams with losing records deserve them more because they earned the right to pick first.

Here's a sneak peak the Bloody Tampons Home and Away Uniforms in action.

The Season 3 Draft

There's really not much to talk about in this year draft. Only 1 player worth mentioning and that's running back Leeroy Medina who is expected to be the number 1 pick. Leeroy Medina was a really a one game wonder to be quite honest. He lead the Farmer Fred Football team to a 49-42 win against Sandy's Beauty Salon. They started feeding him the ball and he brought the team back from the dead. Detver who has the first pick told the press that they will definitely draft him this weekend.

Retired Players

We have alot of players who have called it quits and the biggest shocker of them all is Dirty Sanchez. Many thought Dirty was gonna go to another league for higher pay but he actually retired to become a porn star. The league will send a list of retirees before the season starts.

Also Bedwetters Quarterback Archie Peyton retired after being pushed out of the starting position. With the 20 man roster limit no one is safe in this league.

Results of the Draft By Len Pasquabelly

Well there is only a few players worth mentioning and here they are

Quarterback Americo Matsumara was selected first overall by the Trekkies
Running Back Harry Pickle selected by the Bedwetters
Linebacker Bubba Tubbs went to the Mean Bay Packers
Quarterback Jonathan Faggot(pronounced Faggoe) was drafted by the Nerds of War
Wide Receiver Nigel Fruitcase was drafted by the Cannabis

Americo should bring some offensive muscle to the mighty Geeks.

As for Harry Pickle he's a wait and see, even tho he was the top running back in the draft he had a big case of Fumblelitus down the stretch. The Bedwetters hope they have the remedy to cure his disease.

Linebacker Bubba Tubbs will definitely bring a huge boost to a defense that was pretty good last season. Even tho they allowed the fewest points in the first season linebacker was the hole they needed to fill. Many muffin heads wanted any offensive player. It would've bean a better way to go and crittics felt that way too. Who knows they may prove everybody wrong in this upcoming season.

Then there's Quarterback Jonathan Faggot. He's expected to get the Nerds of War a huge lift with his lightning quick release. His ability to crap his pants at any given time will definitely help keep defenders away.

Wide Receiver Nigel Fruitcake is just what the Cannabis ordered. They drafted him simply because they had the munchies and they actually made the right move. The Cannabis went 8-8 and had a decent defense but with this addition they will definitely have a better offense.

In case your wondering the Expansion teams did not draft first because it would not be fair to the teams that failed last year. So the league voted them to draft last in alphabetical order. All other players drafted sucked so they are not worth mention and another reason is that Len Pasquabelly needs to eat and has decided to cut this report short.

Offseason Moves By Adam Shafter

No teams have pulled the trigger just yet but I assure you things will get exciting pretty soon. On of my sources say that Mean Bay will sign Bubba Tubbs as soon as tomorrow. They will also sign Ruben Hidde some unknown homeless guy they picked up from the street. No word on what position he'll play but his fowl stench will definitely help keep opponents away.

The Draft

Well the first official Offseason is here which is the most wonderfull time of the year.

First topic we will talk about is the draft, the first over all pic is expected to be QB Americo Matsumara. The 2nd Over all pick is ex[ected to be RB Harry Pickle. The Trekkies will have the first overall pick but it is unknown what they will do. There is a rumor floating around that they will trade the pick for a 6th round pick and a box of girl scout cookies.

Other players that are considering making themselves eligible for the RMFL draft but remain undecided are QB Jonathan Faggot (which is prenounced Faggoe It's French), and WR Nigel Fruitcake. The media consider all these players complete busts so it's a wait and see I guess.

Personally I think Jonathan Faggot has some potential, he can throw the ball faster and better than anyone out there right now. If he can control his emotions when he goes under center I'm sure he can lead his team members to the promise land. As for Nigel Fruitcake, Well not quite sure because he likes grabbing Defensive Backs in odd places and then pushing them out of the way. I don't think he'll be able to get away with stuff like that in the RMFL. Nigel has great hands and loves getting tackled alot for some odd reason. He has the speed that scouts like seeing and he can turn the corner faster than a hooker on the take.

Oddly enough there is only 1 defensive player that stands out in this years draft. It's Linebacker Bubba Tubbs. Bubba can play Middle and Outside Linebacker and he can also play Defensive End. He has experince playing as a DB as well, but he ate too much greasy food and was moved to Linebacker. Despite being a big tub of lard Bubba has tremendous speed and good hands. Bubba is expected to be a top ten pick for sure.

Around the League with Adam Shafter
Yes that crazy kid who was formerly on the Detver post has signed on with the RMFL network as there new whipping boy, Watch for him to spread crappy rumors during the offseason

Len Pasquabelly
Yes that whiny BSPN sports writer has made his way into the RMFL Networks elite.

But If your a lazy ass like me and would rather look at the juicy gossip live on TV rather than reading it here then you can watch it all on the RMFL Network.

The RMFL Network is coming to a TV near you. Cable and satellite companies refuse to put it in there basic service. So currently the company will put it in the city the main office is located in Los Diablos thru a Cable Station that allows public Access Shows to air.

The RMFL network will bore us to death during the offseason by televising the Combines and will show us some great shows like "HEY ROOKIE I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS IF YOU TAKE MY JOB" and "RMFL films presents" and with the RMFL network you will also be the last to know about Free Agent moves when Adam Shafter takes you around the league.

You will also see the Cheerleaders Strip Offs the winning cheerleader will have sex with RMFL Total Access host Bitch Eisen live and on the air.

If you want the RMFL network you can call your cable company and demand it or you can move to Los Diablos and watch it on Public Access television. We we're gonna make some Podcasts available for download but we can't afford to buy an Ipod and we can't afford to get more bandwidth for the site.

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