FINAL STANDINGS

Current Week Scores

Congratulations to the Killer Ponies for becoming the first team to win The Punch Bowl

Click here to get the recap

The Offseason is finally here

Free agency has started but no one is really making any blockbuster trades or looking for those diamonds in the rough that might be the perfect fit for a team that needs to fill a hole even tho they failed on there last team.

The Draft is also upon us so tune in to The RMFL network so we can bore you to death with Endless combine footage

Click here to view some draft prospects for the upcoming draft.

Punch Bowl 1 in the Books

Congratulations to the Killer Ponies for beating the Convicts in the First ever Punch Bowl.

Click here for the Recap

Round 2

Once again the Killer Ponies Offense got off to a slow start and mysteriously recovered just before the first quarter ended to tie it up and cruise the rest of the way. Clearly the 2nd Quarter is Detver's best Quarter and it's been proven thru out the regular season as well.

The Fleas magical gay cinderella season came to a tragic end as the slipper fell off and broke there ankle in the process.

This game was a shocker despite the fact that the Convicts had the best record in the league. Old Pork we're only one game behind them and clearly had the best defense in the league and they allowed the fewest points in the league. The Midgets also handed the Convicts there first loss of the season by stomping the Convicts 34-16.

The Midgets scored first and looked good but the Convicts scored just before the first quarter to tie it up. That score clearly gave them a boost because they piled it on in the 2nd quarter by scoring 21 points. They are the first team to do that to the Mighty Midget defense. The Midgets fell asleep the sameway they fell asleep in the middle of the season. They lost 4 of six games during that stretch and never fully recovered offensively.

The Stage is set for the first ever Punch Bowl as the Alkatraz Convicts will face off against the Detver Killer Ponies. The Convicts will have to face a team who is red hot on defense right now but they defeated the toughest defense in the league earlier today so that should not be an issue and they are 10 Point favorites favorites going into this games. The Convicts won the first meeting by beating the crap out of Killer Ponies 45-13 but so far that has not mattered in the post season.

The Halftime show will feature the Rock Band The Stench of Death. The league thought about canning the halftime show but decided against it. The good thing about it is that they plan to make it less than 15 minutes long. The band will play without a stage and the equipment will be setup off the field to speed things up.

Round 1 in the Books

The First game we saw the Convicts cruise by The Manhogs. Moe Jibbs chances of showing up the Fleas was over in a blink of an eye. The Team fought hard but the slow start is what killed them in the end. The Convicts did some locking up of there own and threw away the key. I'm pretty sure Bay of Men didn't mind being behind bars.

The Killer Ponies got to one of there typical slow starts but turned it around sometime in the 3rd quarter and told the Hippies to put it in there pipes and smoke it.

This one was definitely the greatest shocker the league has seen so far. Fans wanted to see the Mad Cows face off against the Convicts but the Mad Cows did not keep there end of the bargain. The itty bitty Fleas did some serious cow tipping tonight which left the Mad Cows asking "GOT MILK"

The Cows Fell behind early but managed to get the lead just before the 1st quarter ended and extended there lead at halftime. They lost the lead again in the 3rd Quarter by a mere 3 points. But the Fleas began pulling away in the final quarter. The Mad Cows made a valiant effort to get back into the game but the comeback fell short.

The sad thing about this is that the Cows killed the Fleas in there own hometown earlier in the season 35-16. So vengeance was achieved in this game as well. Randy Owens said "I decided not to show up because I like dressing in drag"

The Midgets pretty much cruised thru this game the Boulders kept it close and managed to escape the first half with a 10-10 tie. But even early on the Midgets clearly had the edge because they we're moving the ball and shutting Down the Boulder Offense. The Boulders struggled to get the points they got. In the 2nd half the Midgets grew up by only allowing 7 points and kick starting there offense and clearly looked like they had the power to take down the Convicts and take there place in history.

The Playoff picture is clear

These are the teams that are headed for the postseason the race for the Punch Bowl Trophy has officially been set.

The Post Season Schedule

Mean Division

Fleas at Mad Cows
Killer Ponies at Hippies

Meaner Division

ManHogs at Convicts
Midgets at Boulders

A quick analysis tells us that the Mad Cows, Killer Ponies, Convicts, and Midgets are all heavy favorites. The fans want to see The Mad Cows and Convicts make it to Punch Bowl 1. The Mad Cows want vengeance for that embarrassing loss against the Convicts earlier during the season.

In a interview conducted earlier today Randy Owens said that his presence alone will intimidate the entire Flea franchise including there beloved fans who will be watching on TV. He guarantees victory for him and his team. If they lose Randy will dress in drag and make love to one of his teamates.

The Fleas said they will do there talking on the field just before the game starts.

Week 16

The playoff picture is now clear and the league officials are still trying to figure it out but don't know what to do.

Week 15

Here are the scores for Week 15 still no word on the who's in and who's out.

Week 14

Here are the scores for week 14

4 new teams to join next season

4 new expansion teams will join the league in season 2 and they are as follows

The Big Mean Kitties
The Raging Keggars
The Instant Messengers
The Nature Boys

The only team with a city so far are the Nature Boys who will be residing in The Garden of Eden. There might even be 2 other teams interested in joining but those are uncertain. The Raging Keggars already have a concept helmet and logo but will reveal it sometime after the season along with the uniforms. The Big Mean kitties already have there uniforms done and will wait for the right time to reveal them to the public. There is rumors floating around that the nature boys will not wear uniforms.

Week 13

The Midgets break there losing streak by beating up on the Moe Jibbs ManHogs. The Redcoats escape defeat and the mysterious smoke that lingers in the Hotbox Dome by barely beating the Cannabis in there own hometown.

The Trekkies embarass the Killer Ponies by taking them on a ride of there own. In front of a SHOCKED Ponies crowd. The Mad Cows get back on the winning track by the taking down a weak Bedwetters team. The Convicts keep on trucking as they beat up on the Latchkey Kids.

The Chainsmokers defeat the Muffins in the first game of the week.

Week 12 scores

Week 12

Week 12 had some more shockers with the media princess's losing to the Latchkey Kids in a defensive sturggle.

The Geek Bowl between the Nerds of War and Trekkies sent the Trekkies to warp speed out of the stadium to avoid humiliation. The Hippies put an end to the Mad Cow Disease. The Headless beavers somehow find a way to eat the muffins. The Killer Ponies take the Bedwetters for a ride.

The Cannabis smoke out the Sewer Rats, The Manhogs edge out the Chainsmokers and The Covicts break out of prison and take care of the Redcoats.

The Old Pork Midgets are the Media's Darlings

The media is starting to stick it's nose in the RMFL business and it's making league officials very nervous because the media can make you or brake you. They are picking the Old Pork Midgets to win it all. Several players have there own talk shows and even the coach Tom Cockland has starred in a few steamy soap operas.

The Water boy is getting ready to launch his first ever reality show. The stadium janitor just released his first country album and sales went thru the roof. Owner George Mindbender doesn't really mind all the media attention that his players are getting as long as he gets a share of the profits. The league wants to try and put a stop to this but they know that they can't stop it and realize that it might bring more fans in which means more revenue.

Week 11

The Boulders flatten The Trekkies and the Hippies put the Bedwetters to bed as they make love to them not War.

The Chainsmokers take the Latch Key kids to school. The Nerds of War got outsmarted by the Killer Ponies who win there 5th straight to take them from 2-4 to 7-4.

The big and proud Redcoats fall to the small and tiny Midgets as they break a very nasty losing streak.

All of Week 11 scores

The league also unveiled the Punch Bowl 1 logo and it's rumored to be the Actual Punch Bowl trophy as well. The trophy will not be unveiled until champions are crowned.

The Fans loved it but the media made fun of it. If that is the actual trophy some investors are not gonna be happy.

Dirty says his team will it all

Despite losing this past week to a Mediocre team the number overall pick says that his team will win it all. He predicts that the team will meet the hated Mad Cows in the Punch Bowl.

Most sports writers believe him and indeed it does make sense because they both hold the Best records.

He recently said this in a playtoy magazine interview. He told the writers that he needed a fluffer in order to do the interview. Sanchez so far has been good he is 3rd in passing yards and is 2nd in Touchdowns behind his nemesis Dante Garcia. He refuses to talk about Sessica Jimpson and has heard about the rumors flying around.

BSPN told everyone that there calling bullshit on Sanchez. They think it's gonna come down to The Sewer Rats and the Chainsmokers. These are 2 last place teams well into week 11 so I don't understand these choices.

MBC thinks the Old Pork Midgets will face the Red Coats in the greatest Deathmatch battle of all time. The losers will be thrown into the nearby volcano. We told MBC that Killing is illegal and that there's no Volcanos anywear near any of the stadiums. They still stuck by there words and promise to televise the whole ritual as it happens.

Sanchez also told Playtoy Magazine that he was happy with the Descision he made to enter the RMFL draft. He is honored to be the first overall pick for the league EVER!!!.

He talked about his coach and told the Magazine that Mel Davis is the greatest coach he's ever met.

"Mel Davis likes to talk crap and get into other owners faces. He also slings mud at them while he bathes in it and rubs it all over there faces and expensive clothing" alot of players think it's odd and like that about him. We feel he really cares about us and knows how to prepare us for victory."

He also talked about the Owner

"Our owner AJ Sampson is great to, he buys us alot of candy and invites to sleep over his house. He doesn't care what Coach Davis does to the owners as long as we keep winning he just doesn't care what we do. He comes to the sidelines every now and then but only to invite the players to more sleep overs."

He talked about his teamates

"I'm blessed to have these teamates they are just getting better and better and it hard to choose a receiver to throw to at times because they are all open. The Defense is playing alot better and it all started with the win over the Mad Cows. That really gave us alot confidence."

Many sports writers believe that the convicts will lose in that game. Sanchez could is heavily favored to take league MVP trophy.

Week 10

Week 10 was an odd week The Nerds of War tear apart the Boulders to pieces as they score the most points scored in a 77. The Nerds of War are not exactly known as offensive juggernauts and are in last place in there division. Could this be another turn around, we shall see.

The Cannabis win again by smoking out the Trekkies in there own home. Coach Dicky Williams is starting to look smart again and now fully endorses the use of Marijuana despite the fact that it turned him into a lazy ass.

The Convicts finally drop there 2nd loss to the Fleas who have been struggling to get wins. But this is there 3rd straight win. Fans are crying and really want Coach Moe Jibbs back. Despite calling for his head because of a decision he made on the very first pre season game that forced him out. Jibbs is currently coaching the Bay of Men Manhogs and he's doing a great job so far despite a couple of recent losses.

The Killer Ponies win again they haven't lost since Week 6 and are on the rise. The killer ponies tell the Hippies to cut there hair.

The The Headless Beavers give the Latch Key Kids a severe beating.

The ManHogs fell prey to the Mad Cows. The Sewer Rats upset the Midgets and the Bedwetters piss all over the Muffins. In the final game of the week the Redcoats put out the Chainsmoker fire with great victory in a classic shootout.

Week 9 results

The Bedwetters manhandle the ManHogs in front of a shocked ManHogs crowd. Bay of Men folks will never be the same again. Quarterback Cliff Toner left the game with a Broken Penis and is listed as questionable.

The Killer Ponies rollover the Boulders despite Boulder's QB Myron Beamer's great performance 20-24, 408 yds, 6 TDs.

The Fleas edge the Midgets and it's starting to look like the midgets are starting to collapse. They have one of the toughest defenses in the league but the offense has been slowing down. Last week they we're squashed by the worst team in the league and today they lose to the Fleas who have only won 3 games so far.

The Headless Beavers by the skin of there teeth beat the Redcoats and sent them back to Bean Town. QB Vaugh Kuttler was the player of the game despite the pile of penalties that almost cost them the game. Including a penalty that cost them 30 yards for a cheesy touchdown celebration by WR Horace Hernandez. He could've avoided the penalty by having sex with a fat lady from the stands but he refused. It was not considered a big deal because the team won anyway.

The Hippies take down the Muffins in a defensive struggle for survival. Several injuries in this game including a devastating eyebrow injury.

The Mad Cows take care of the tough to beat Latch Key Kids in the game of the Week. Emmitt Sanders was the hero of this game so expect to hear something from Randy Owens during the Week. Sources say that he's making up more excuses for his dismal performance as a wide receiver. He is threatening to not play defense if the team refuses to pass him the ball.

The Nerds of War fall to the Cannabis in the Hot Box dome with alot of smoke all over the place. It made the Nerds nervous costing them the game.

The Chainsmokers take down the Sewer Rats with there second hand smoke as well.

The Convicts take down the Trekkies in a struggle, many thought the Convicts would beat up on the week trekkies but that wasn't the case. The Convicts only have one loss and own the best record in the league.

Week 8

Even tho Commissioner Buck Nekkid has been home watching Figure Skating non stop. The show must go on and so far it's been a good season and we're almost halfway thru the regular season.

The Mad Cows crumble in the final seconds of the game by allowing a big gain with 23 seconds remaining on a 4th down and 14 play. A big pass for 47 yards put the hated Redcoats in field goal range and with all there time outs remaining they we're able to call a time out just in the knick of time to kick the field goal that prevented the game from going to overtime.

The Fleas cut off the Chainsmokers nicotine intake with a severe beating in the first 3 quarters but the Chainsmokers came out smoking in the 4th quarter and almost caught up but the Fleas we're able to squeeze in one final touchdown to put the game out of reach for good.

The midgets we're squashed by a weak and Nerdy Trekkies team. The Trekkies went to light speed in the first half and then curise control in the 2nd half. Both teams we're awful on defense but the Trekkies had a comfortable lead from the get go and just kept scoring nice and slow to take time off the clock.

The Killer Ponies survive by putting a stop to the Muffins comeback. The Muffins came back from a 31-7 defecit.

But the comeback fell short the Muffins went ahead and kicked the ball off thinking that they would be able to stop the Ponies with all there time outs remaining and they we're only down by 2.

The plan worked and they got the ball back with .38 seconds remaining. They moved the ball to there opponents 42 yard line in 2 plays. But on the 3rd play the ball got intercepted. Players walked off the field weeping and the fans went crazy.

The Seat cushion massacre

The week 8 game between the Sewer Rats and the Headless Beavers was dubbed the Discusting Animal Bowl but it will forever be known as the seat cushion massacre. The Beavers had a comfortable 14 - 0 lead over the hated Sewer Rats. Fans we're happy and dancing all over the stadium as they played we are the champions by Queen for some odd reason. It was free seat cushion day at the stadium.

But then all of sudden the Sewer Rats (who we're supposed to roll over and die according to what Beaver Coach John Fadden said in his post game press conference) tied it up and took the lead 21-14. The Sewer Rats never looked back as they kept piling on the points taunting and making fun f the fans and players.

The Beavers showed signs of life but it was evident that the game was over. With just over a minute left the Sewer Rats had a 55-31 lead and not one fan left the stadium which was odd. The final second ticked off and the game was over.

Fans we're still in there seats and started throwing there seat cushions onto the field. Several sideline reporters, Cameramen, and a few Cheerleaders we're crushed to death. The Players survived because they still had there equipment on and they we're smart enough to protect there coaches as well. 13 people we're crushed to death and 31 people we're injured.

The team has put a permanent ban on seat cushions and made this statement.

"We apologize to everyone who got injured and died in this unfortunate incident and by banning these weapons of mass destructions we hope to put an end to this madness. Next home game is Guns and Alcohol day but no one expects this madness to continue because our team will bounce back from this horrible loss. "

League Officials did not comment on this incident.

League Standings have been updated thru week 8

Week 7 results

The game of the week was played out tonight between the Mean Bay Muffins and the Bay of Men ManHogs.

Highlights from the game

In other games the Killer Ponies smoke out the Hamsterdam Cannabis 35-31

The Ponies win this game in Nail biting Fashion.

Below are highlight of the game between the Mad Cows and Sewer Rats which was a good game at the half with the Sewer Rats making a great comeback only to come up short. In the 2nd half the Mad Cows literally said NO MILK FOR YOU!!!!

Week 6 results

Well week 6 had some good games The Trekkies finally win a game as they make the headless beavers beg for heads with brains because this loss might possibly mean that the dam will collapse. The Latchkey Kids lose to the Muffins in this weeks Game of the Week for Week 6. The Mad Cows and Convicts kill there opponents nice and quick. Bedwetters and Nerds of War win in thrillers and the Midgets stomp on the Boulders in a close one.

The scores are below for week 6

Week 5 results

Here are the week 5 scores the game of the week was a hard fought game and could've gone either way a little low on the scoring but still an exciting game to watch.

The MadCows almost lost in a thriller against the Trekkies who have yet to win a game. They jumped to a 28 to 7 lead and The Angry Cows got within one score to make it 28-21 but the Trekkies started moving the ball again.

The Trekkies wouldn't let up and started pulling away yet again. So it looked like this was going to be an embarrassing loss for the Rowdy Heffers.

But the Digruntled Heffers we're still fighting to keep there last ounce of milk and dignity. They managed to tie it up at 49 a piece and send it to Overtime. The Trekkies we're driving to put the game out of reach but the Cows got the ball on a fumble. The screenshot below shows the play before the fumble took place and it looked like they we're moving the ball smoothly prior to that fumble.

The strange thing about this game was that it was broadcasted in Klingon because many Trekkie fans requested this. The game went into Overtime and the Mad Cows scored and that was the only score in overtime which was enough for the win. Trekkie fans in anger stormed the field with Klingon Blades in hand and chased the Mad Cows off the field. The Trekkies felt dishonered and we're horrified that there team lost.

The Fleas got revenge on the Bedwetters after that pre-season loss which cost them there coach.

Another game that went to over Overtime was The Nerds of War vs The Headless Beavers. The Headless Beavers barely came out with the win. They barely got out with there lives on what was historically the most horrifying geek massacre known to man.

The Enraged Nerds need to figure out a way to start winning some games they only have one so far. Other noted mentions are that there are no longer any undefeated teams in the League. The Old Pork Midgets got embarrassed by the Cannabis and the Bay of Men ManHogs lost to the Latchkey Kids in the game of the Week.

There are rumors floating around that the Creators of Dumbass The movie may film some stunts in front of some of the crowds just before the start of some games.

Stay tuned and watch the movie when it comes out.

Week 5 Game of the Week

	VS
Bay of Men ManHogs (4-0)		Johnsonville Latch Key Kids (3-1)

The Johnsonville Latchkey Kids and the Bay of Men ManHogs will duke it out on Week 5 as they are the game game of the week. Both teams came out strong but the Bookies and Sin City say that the ManHogs will the edge here because the ManHogs are gay and the LatchKey Kids will be afraid to get too close.

Week 4 Game of the Week a blowout

	VS
Old Pork Midgets (3-0)		Alkatraz Convicts (3-0)

The Game of the Week was between the Old Pork Midgets and the Alkatraz Convicts. Old Pork's solid defense kept Sanchez searching for answers as he was held scoreless in the first half which is a first half. The Midgets scored on there first 2 possesions and they never looked back. The Alkatraz Defense tightened up in the 2nd half with plenty of time but could only score twice with 2 touchdowns and 2 successfull 2 point conversions but that was it. The Midgets are the only team to shutout Sanchez for 2 quarters ever and that includes College, High School, Jr. High School, Pop Warner, Elementary, and Preschool.

Sanchez blames his new love Sessica Jimpson for the loss and he admits that he's really whipped. The final score was Midgets 34 Convicts 16.

The Smoke Bowl was another game that was played out today and the Chainsmokers continue there losing ways but this loss an exciting one. But in the end they got smoked out by Hamsterdam in a high scoring thriller Cannabis 48 Chainsmokers 37

Another game that was played out we're the Madcows and The Nerds of War and that was a blowout 65 - 28. Could this be the dominant team that Randy Owens spoke of all during the Pre Season. Owens in a press conference says he can already smell the punch bowl trophy.

Owens actually gave the Nerds a spark when he got flagged for having sex with the Quarterback which gave the nerds an automatic first down on a 4th and 3 play. After that the Nerds scored on there last 3 possesions. The Cows killed the Nerds but you never know stuff like this can carry over into the next game. Folks stay tuned.

BSPN just won't stop showing the replay of the having sex with the Quarterback penalty even tho the league and TV censors have asked them to stop repeatedly. Owens said it will never happen again, he also did this in 2 other games and twice during one of the preseason games.

Here's all the week 4 scores

The Standings have been updated as well click here to view them. The Trekkies and the Chainsmokers are the last 2 winless teams. The Midgets and Latchkey Kids are the only 2 undefeated remaining.

Sessica Jimpson has a crush on Dirty Sanchez

Yes you heard right the sexy actress and singer has a crush on Convicts Quarterback Dirty Sanchez. From what we heard in a cell phone conversation (yes the media is that nosey) Sessica's People called Dirty's people and they went out on a date. We have a taped conversation that we're gonna auction off on ebay to the highest bidder.

Hopefully we'll see some sizzling papparazi photos in the week's to come. Sanchez hopes it'll help him beat the Midgets in this week's matchup which was named game of the week just last night.

Week Number 3 results

Boulders 32 At Mad_Cows 38
Cannabis 31 At Headless Beavers 23
Convicts 31 At Chainsmokers 28
Hippies 38 At Trekkies 28
Latchkey_Kids 42 At Redcoats 36
ManHogs 30 At Sewer_Rats 24
Midgets 34 At KillerPonies 21
Muffins 38 At Fleas 31
Nerds_of_War 32 At Bedwetters 29

The week 3 matchups had alot of close ones yet again and the dredded Hate Bowl had an exciting finish as well. So maybe it was not a bad choice after all but this coming week the League made a better choice for Game of the week. This week it'll be the Old Pork Midgets vs. The Alkatraz Convicts an announcement soon to come. Both teams are 3-0

Even tho this league is still in it's infancy we fully expect the sports station BSPN to hype up the game all week long. This will make us sick to our stomachs but we'll keep watching up until the game. When the game finally starts even if it's a good game it will still seem like an average game due to the overhype. God help us all

There is another game that has sparked some interest and that's the Smoke Bowl it will be the Hamsterdam Cannabis vs. The Marlboro Country Chainsmokers. That game will be shown on MBC pre-recorded so don't go to the game if you plan on watching it on TV.

Game of the Week for Week 3 and Revenue Woes

This one seems a little strange the league today announced the first official game of the week this morning in a press conference. A 2-0 team vs a 0-2 team is the league's official game of the week. "Nice work Buck" is the only thing you hear after commissioner Buck Nekkid unveiled the banner. Many think that this is not the proper way to promote the league. MBC is already talking about pulling the plug on the TV deal. They are under contract so they must wait til the end of the year to bail out of there 2.5 trillion dollar deal.

EGAY sports also signed a deal with Headless Beavers coach John Fadden to make a football game based on RMFL rules and player names and possibly Emmitt Sanders on the cover. EGAY sports inked a deal for 25 billion dollars to have exclusive rights to RMFL players and teams. EGAY wanted to eliminate the competition from the get go.

Egay sports wants out of the deal because the RMFL is doing a lowsy job promoting the league but it's too late. They have to release atleast 3 titles in 4 years.

Commisioner explained that this would be a good game because both teams do what people dont like. Smokers and Criminals and so he dubs this the Hate Bowl. Alot of jaws dropped and no one said a word.

Also the shoe company Dikey dropped the deal to make a Randy Owens shoe which woulda costed $6,285.00 a pair WoW. Player salaries are low in this league, the richest player in the league Dirty Sanchez just barely makes minimum wage. The deal that Randy signed with Dikey would've put 50 bucks in his pocket.

Yet the league claims they are losing alot of money and refuses to pay for teams to travel from town to town. The teams see no revenue from ticket sales and television revenue. Players often go door to door selling chocolate bars just to make enough money to buy there uniforms and practice equipment.

Also noted the players are forced to donate some of there money to charities to make the league look good. Despite all this nonsense players remain in the league perhaps they think this is there only chance to reach the pros.

Scores for Week 2

Current Week 2 Scores only 2 left on the schedule for week 2. So far the best game for Week 2 involved the Mad Cows vs The Cannabis. A very tough offensive game, early on the Mad Cows we're having trouble keeping up with the Potheads. The Potheads took a 21-7 lead early on and the Cows tied it up. Then again the Cannabis would take a 2 score lead and the Mad Cows came back to tie it up again.

The Potheads forgot to put down the bong in the fourth Quarter because the Raging Heffers caught up once again to tie it 45 a piece and managed to finally get the lead and keep it in the end. Dante managed to get a touchdown and a field goal to be up by ten. The Cannabis had a chance prior to the field goal to tie it up but turned the ball over which led to the field goal to seal the deal.

Randy Owens stepped it up on Defense by getting 2 interceptions and scored 2 touchdowns on punt returns. Despite the huge win he was still upset because he didn't get the ball thrown to him when he was playing Wide Receiver. Owens only caught 1 pass for 2 yards.

Here's the other scores around the league

Another game worth Mentioning is the Game between The Convicts and the Headless Beavers. This was another overtime thriller for the Convicts but this time they committed the crime and got away with it. The Convicts blew a 38-7 lead but managed to tie it in the 4th and forced the Decapitated ones topunt.

The game went into overtime and each team scored a TD on there opening OT drives. But neither team scored until the end when Convict QB Dirty Sanchez drove his team down the field to kick the game winning field goal.

NOW productions is born

Owner of the Wanhattan Nerds of War Moody Allen, league commisioner Buck Nekkid in association with Morky and Jojo Studios and 3d helmet Guru Thornbird have made the scariest merger of all time. NOW productions will feature many meaningless crap like sports clips, videos, and local tv broadcasts. Not just rmfl league clips but also NAFL and MLF clips as well as miscallaneaous entertainment

Morky and Jojo studios is responsible for some of the weirdest videos ever seen and we don't know what they will bring to the table. Major movie studios tried to take them to court to stop the merger but they failed miserably.

No word as to why they chose NOW as the name of the company and as to why they decided to use Nerds of War logo as the official company logo.

More Scores week 1

More week 1 scores to report Muffins outsmart the Nerds Midgets decapitate The Headless Beavers (more so). The Latchkey kids close the door on The Fleas and the Manhogs zap the Trekkies into pieces.

Wanhattan Nerds of War 7
Mean Bay Muffins 27

Old Pork Midgets 28
Angus Valley Headless Beavers 26

Greasey Valley Fleas 35
Johnsonville Latchkey Kids 45

Enterprise Trekkies 17
Bay of Men Manhogs 23

Only 2 more games remaining for the week. These games had slightly better ratings but still needs more.

The Games have already begun

The tension was building for months and loyal fans we're pulling all there hair out and it looked like this league would have one of the greatest openings ever. But the league made the stupidest mistake ever made by any man women or Beast. They started the season without announcing it to the fans. Teams we're still able to sell a generous amount of tickets but Television ratings we're down. The Sweatin to the Newbies and Girls Gone Crazy infomercials that air at 3am in the morning had better ratings than all 3 games that we're played this afternoon combined.

It was a shame because all the games we're close ones the scores are below.

Marlboro Country Chainsmokers 27
Detver KillerPonies 31

Sasquatch Creek Sewer Rats 30
Bean Town Redcoats 38

Menfiss Mad Cows 45
Alkatraz Convicts 55

The game that everyone would've been talking about for years to come was the battle for League Supremacy (Uhm maybe). The Cows and Convicts, both teams met earlier in the year in a scrimmage that made the Mad Cows look like the team that would end up winning it all quite easily because they have the best Running Back and the top 4 receivers in the league. They slaughtered both teams they played The Convicts and the Chainsmokers in convincing fashion in these meaningless exhibition games. The Convicts we're talking alot of smack weeks before the first meeting was played.

The Convicts said they we're the Butchers that we're just waiting to slaughter the cows and process there meat. The slaughter never came to be as the raging heffers mauled the Convicts 59-6. Everyone was expecting a repeat performance and early on that's what it looked like as the Cows scored quickly to counter the Convicts opening Drive Field goal. But that's when things started turning around. The Convicts scored quickly as QB Dirty Sanchez got a quick touchdown to make it 10-7 Convicts.

The Cows would not score again until the 2nd half. But the Cows began Cow tipping the scales. They scored 31 points in the first half and at half time the score was 31-7

The MadCows scored first but The Convicts manged to score another touch to bring them to 38 points. But the Cows refused to stay on the ground, they picked themselves up and started to slowly chip away on the lead. On the Play shown below they got to 31 points.

The Cows did not stop there, on the Convicts possession The Cows managed to intercept the ball and had excellent Field Position and tied the game up 38 a piece. In Overtime the Cows moved the ball fast and made it look easy to score on the covicts. For those who don't know the Overtime period is 10 minutes long as opposed to the traditional Sudden Death Overtime you normaly see in pro football.

The Convicts at this point looked embarrassed but managed to counter that with a touchdown of there own and tie it up once again.

The Mad Cows never scored again the Convicts had milked them dry and they could no longer score. While the convicts looked like they we're scott free as they scored 10 more points to give the lead for good.

Many believe that this could be a great rivalry in the coming years and who knows maybe both these teams will meet again in the Post Season.

Stats from the game

The play by play log from the game

There are more games to come the League decided to have games be played out on different days of the week. Some people think the league is spitting in the face of football tradition by not playing most of the games on Sunday or on Saturday. Others believe this is great because they get to watch games on everyday of the week.

Upcoming games include

Bay of Men Manhogs vs. The Enterprise Trekkies
Hamsterdam Cannabis vs. Bacon County Bedwetters
Johnsonville Latchkey Kids vs. The Greasy Valley Fleas
Old Pork Midgets vs. Angus Valley Headless Beavers

and more to come thru out the Week. MBC will broadcast them all and will have no disregard over it's reign of Thursday night TV. The few people that did manage to catch some of these games said that things look promising so far.

The Cows are lookin Good in Preseason

10/22/2006

The Mad Cows definitely made a bold statement this afternoon in a unscheduled scrimmage against the Convicts. After killing the Chainsmokers a couple of months back 68-10 in a arena style scrimmage for charity. Sports writers across the nation thought that they would definitely be a play off bound team but still we're unsre because that was a small 50 yard field and still had no idea how this team would do in a standard 110 yard field.

Today those disgruntled Heffers put those crittics to rest just a tad bit more by putting away the convicts for life without the posibility of parole. They mauled the Alkatraz Convicts 59-6 despite first overall pick Dirty Sanchez's performance 17-21 for 253 yds, 0 TDs, 2 INTs. The defense gave up alot of passing yards but shut down the run and intercepted Sanchez twice.

Receiver Randy Owens was a huge factor in the brutal slaughter. He caught 3 passes for 71 yards and 1 td and was used as a decoy but his biggest contribution was on defense. Owens recorded 8 tackles and all we're open field tackles and forced 1 interception in a quarterback hurry. He also opened up things for receivers Renaldo Bless who caught 8 passes for a whopping 117 yds 2 TDs and Eli Marcus who caught a mere 5 passes for 175 yds and 2 TDs.

Emmitt Sanders who changed his number to 22 earlier this week and got a 10 dollar fine for doing so, didn't run much. Only ran for 32 yards on 7 carries. He did however get a TD early on in the game.

The biggest Mad Cow player of them all tho was Dante Garcia who once led his team to victory once again. Dante went 18-20 for 390 yards and no interceptions and 6 TDs.

Even tho this game meant nothing both teams kept there starters in for the entire game. Coach Bart Shell saw the chemistry with the team and decided to keep it goin. This angered Convicts Coach Mel Davis and accused the Mad Cows of running up the score.

The Mad Cows might have the deadliest receiving core in the country. In fact they might even have the top 4 receivers in the entire league. Despite the big win R.O. felt he shoulda got the ball thrown to him more often. Even so he feels his team can win first Punch Bowl trophy. We still have not seen most teams in action so that remains to be seen.

A BSPN spokesperson has told us that they still think the Bedwetters are the team to beat and stick by the ridiculous ranking system they came up with

More Preseason games are being scheduled as we speak and the league is starting to earn a little more cash and plan to schedule more.

There was also another arena style game between the Trekkies and The Hamsterdam Cannabis but that one ain't worth mentioning because it was only a 20 mintue game.

Headless Beavers Decide where to move

In other News this evening the Headless Beavers finally decided on what city to relocate to. That proud City is Angus Valley. Crittics see this as a bad thing because Angus Valley is a small town and the team will have little or no support at all even if they win 4 Punch Bowls in a row. Despite that league officials are now happy that everything is in place and they are ready to roll. Still no word on when the official launch date will be. Commisioner Buck Nekkid will hold a press conference during the week but no word on what that press conference will be about. Buck held a press conference about a month ago to show off his new tattoo. We can only hope that it will be what we all want to hear.

The Bedwetters we're named Team of the month

10/15/2006

Even tho there has only been 3 meaningless games played out so far. 1 preseason game the Fleas vs. The Bedwetters, A scimmage game The Killer Ponies vs The Redcoats, and a charity arena game The Mad Cows vs. The Chainsmokers. 2 of these games we'ren't even covered because they we're overseas and the RMFL spent all there money flying all the players to there destination.

The last of these games we're played out more than 2 months ago so why is Spartan Condoms so eager to announce it's first Team of the month? Well because they really need the money and the RMFL needs the money too. The Bedwetters we're named the team of the month because of there win over the fleas.

Both Coach Robbie Night and Dick Craven we're happy to be the first team to be named Spartan Condoms Team of the Month.

Mad Cows receiver Randy Owens said he will no longer be buying Spartan Condoms because he felt his team deserved the prestigeous honor for choking the life out of the Chainsmokers. He might change his mind if his Team gets the honor somewhere down the line.

Randy changed his mind after simply because the Mighty condom Gods offered him a job as a spokeman and his own personal Condom

Kiwi Herman has found his new Coach

10/14/2006

Kiwi gets his man and says he's ready to roll, The Greasy Valley Fleas have hired Toe Jheissman. Nicknamed the Whiner by his loyal fans Jheissman led the Kashington Redbloods to a Super Bowl but he also lost another to the Cokeland Pillagers under Coach Moe Jibbs the guy he's replacing. After that Jheissman landed a gig with the BSPN crew as a Color Commentator and that is where he earned the Whiner Nickname.

Flea fans are not all too happy with the choice but the rest of the world is definitely happybecause Toe will be steppin down as the Monday Night Football Commentator.

Bay of Men fires George Sichael and hires Moe Jibbs

Moe Jibbs the new ManHogs head coach

10/12/2006

The ManHogs have hired Moe as there new head coach. Moe showed up to the interview in rags and smelled like a rotten corpse so nobody thought he had a shot at the job. But his track record and his ability to win the big games overshadowed all that useless nonsense. He impressed Richard Timmons quite a bit and both we're seen leaving the office zipping up there pants.

Reporters we're hounding Fleas owner Kiwi Herman all day this afternoon at the local Porno Movie Theatre trying to get Kiwi Herman's reaction, but Kiwi refused to speak but he did say he's gonna make a decision soon. There was rumors flying around that he's interviewed quite a few people like BSPN sportscaster Toe (The Whiner) Jheissman, Don Spruden, Tick Permeil, and Mr. Prime Slime himself Peon Danders.

Richard Timmons told the press that Moe Jibbs can due whatever he wants with the team as he licked his lips with a big smile. He will be paid a generous amount of money for his duties but Mr. Timmons would not tell the media exactly how much he's going to pay his coach.

Moe Jibbs was the first coach to lose his job after only one preseason game due to the going for the win incident. That's the first time that's ever happened in any professional sport across this all mighty planet.

The First Injury

10/1/2006

Dirty Sanchez will be out for 3 weeks with a broken Penis. No word on how Sanchez injured his beloved family jewells, but alot of people say it wasn't pretty.

Convict fans will probably be the only fans breathing a sigh of relief. Sanchez is expected to recover in time since the league is in limbo at this time. This was the first official player injury so Sanchez was the first to enter the draft, and also the first player to be drafted. Will he be the first player to carry his team to a championship only time will tell.

RMFL's future still a blur

9/28/2006

Still no word on what has been goin on in the background. There is nasty rumors floating around that maybe this league will never come to be. There is also rumors that this league will merge with other leagues that will form a huge montrous league with possible 20 week schedules per team. Commissioner Buck Nekkid refuses to talk about anything and continues to say that the league will come to be in one form or another. The RMFL was the original 8 man team league but the NAFL got up and running first.

The league wants to make sure everything is squared away first. Like the HooCheeCheeRooChee Headless Beavers incident. They wanna move but have not done so just yet and it's furstrating league officials. The league wants them to stay but the Headless Beavers wanna move.

Another team with Issues is the Greasy Valley Fleas firing of Coach Moe Jibbs. Even tho the Fleas fired his ass and teams pretty much have there coaching staffs in place.... these other teams have been talking to the legendary coach about possibly hiring him as a head coach. Apparently the former Flea coach gave away his racing horse Spitball Assassin, his racing car which was sponsored by Coachsoaker and also gave away his house to a homeless guy named Sticky. Because the Fleas promised him a large sum of money if the team manages to somehow win 3 Punch Bowls in a row. If they fail to win it all 3 times in a row then he gets nothing.

Jibbs said it was a gamble he was willing to take because he loves coaching and he thought he was cocky enough to accomplish such an impossible task. He did not think he was gonna lose his job as a result of going for the win on a pre season game.

8/14/2006

RMFL meet Randy Owens

Wide Receiver Randy Owens seen above says he's gonna lead his team the Mad Cows to victory. As expected The Mad Cows 2nd round pick Randy Owens called out every team in the league and said he will be the big reason the team will win it all.

The strange thing is that this guy is unknown and came out of a Jr. College school that no one has ever heard of. That school is located in a small town near Los Diablos in Vedetta and even those people don't know nothing of that college. He just tried out at the combines and the Mad Cows liked him and foolishly drafted him in the 2nd round.

Running Back Emmitt Sanders says that the team has high hopes for him but he is a bit of a trouble maker. All in all he's impressing people at practice but he still has alot to prove and is eager to get rollin.

Picture of Emmitt Sanders in his uniform

Emmitt also said that Randy has the typical attention whore mentality that most receivers have in todays game and hopes that he can back it up in the field.

Randy blames the media for blowing it out of proportion, and was seen weeping immensely. Another Wide Receiver Keyshawn Porter said he will prove him wrong and he will be the receiver to take his place as the rmfl's whiny attention whore for years to come.

8/12/2006

League structure announced

The League structure was announced earlier today by Commisioner Buck Nekkid but still no word on the start of the season. The fans are starting to get restless and also The HooCheeCheeRooChee Headless Beavers are thinking about moving to a different city simply because the name of the city is too long. The sad thing about this is that the City just finished building a stadium that seats 249,000 fans and I don't think that the city has that big of a population.

Current League Structure

Mean Conference

North
Headless Beavers
KillerPonies
Mad_Cows
Sewer_Rats
Fleas                                                       

South
Trekkies
Bedwetters
Hippies
Nerds_of_War   

Meaner Conference                                    

North
Cannabis
ManHogs
Muffins
Boulders                                               

South
Redcoats
Chainsmokers
Convicts
Latchkey_Kids
Midgets            

Other Rumors around other rumors around the league are Coach Moe Jibbs got hired by Gen                         

rankings are up

7/30/2006

Yes you heard right those idiots at BSPN sports network actually have a ranking poll up for the upcoming season even tho it's the first Season and we know very little about most of these players. The league alignment hasn't even been announced yet either. It also appears to be in alphabetical order???? and so that tells us that alot of thought was put into this ranking system.

The First Coaching Casualty

6/28/2006

After only one pre season game Coach Moe Jibbs gets the Axe. Offensively the team played well and were really well coached to be quite honest. Defensively they struggled a little but managed to make critical stops and keep the game within reach. His only mistake was going for the win in the 4th Quarter in a preseason game.

"Yeah I got a little greedy but I wanted to see if my players were capable of winning the game under these circumstances" said Jibbs. Kiwi Herman did not want to speak to the media and was seen entering a porno graphic movie theatre later on in the day. No word on who the coach will be and even worse there is no interim coach in place because Moe Jibbs chose to go it alone. In this league if teams choose to go with one guy to coach the whole team they may do so. It is also noted that Coaches are also GMs in this league.

Pre Season Game 1

6/27/2006

The Bedwetters and the Fleas had an exciting battle tonight. The first quarter ended in a 10-10 tie. The second Quarter also ended in a tie 17-17. The 3rd quarter the Bedwetters started pulling away by taking a 24-20 lead.

The Bedwetters continued to pour it on as the Fleas we're marching down the field but they got intercepted and the Bedwetters capitalized on the turnover with a Touchdown. The Fleas scored again and converted the 2 point play to make it 31-28 in favor of the Bedwetters.

As seen on the screenshot above the Fleas we're attempting to take the Lead and were moving the ball pretty proficiently. It was making the Bedwetter Defense wet themsleves because they could not stop the Fleas from making first downs.

The Fleas got too greedy instead of going for the Field goal to send it to Overtime they went for the touchdown. This was a Exhibition game and meant nothing but Sports talk show hosts all over the country especially in Greasy Valley scolded the team for getting too greedy and wanting to take it all.

There is people already calling for Coach Moe Jibbs's head. Owner Kiwi Herman is even considering it and has stated that he's looking for a new coach and he was dead serious.

Passing stats

RAYMOND PURCELL 25-47 for 292 yds 4 TDs for Bedwetters
RENATO THEILING 31-43, 288 yds, 4 TDs for the Fleas

Rushing Stats

ARLEN GUARISCO 11-17 0 TDs For the Bedwetters
MARQUIS MORRONE 17-99 0 TDs For the Fleas

Draft Results

6/25/2006

Here are the 1st round results and as expected Dirty Sanchez the first player to enter the draft was the first overall pick. By the Convicts who won the first overall pick,.... The draft order was set with names being drawn out of a hat. It was all Quarterbacks in the first round and all these Quarterbacks that we're selected we're capable of making it anywhere. But for some strange reason they chose to come to the RMFL.

Dirty Sanchez was ecstatic about joining the Convicts. He knows that he made history beign the first overall pick. The League also announced that a game will be held on June 27th between the first 2 teams that joined the League. The Bacon County Bedwetters and the Greasy Valley Fleas. All proceeds will go to the people that really need the money more than we do. The Screen Actors Guild, We were gonna go with the CEOs of America but they said it wasn't gonna be enough money.

Rumors have been Confirmed

6/18/2006

The Bay of Men Manhogs have officially become the last team to join the league for the first season. Another team that was looking to join we're the Garden of Eden Nature Boys but they will have to wait til next year. Rumors we're correct Richard Timmons will be the official Owner and George Sichael will be the official Coach. The team took precautions and added a advisor because of Sichael's inexperience in the coaching spot. No mention on the start of the draft which will be the offical start of the league.

The official helmet is above and they might still put a logo on the helmet itself.

MBC The Rooster station is excited and knows that this will be a great investment. The Commercials have already started airing on Television even tho there's no players on any teams yet and no clips to show players in action. Some games will air on cable but no word on how many exactly. All we know is that it will only be a few. BSPN will air those games and the team schedules will be announced prior to the draft.

Post game conferences will be held but Players will not be required to talk to the media. It will be on a voluntary basis.

Play offs setup being discussed by Owners

6/11/2006

Today on a Sunday evening June 11th Team Owner's met to discuss the play-off system and division structure.

• 2 conferences The Mean Conference and The Meaner Conference
• The league will have 18 teams
• 2 Division per conference North and South
• 8 teams will make the playoffs 4 from each Conference

Also there is rumors that the league is getting ready to announce the final team for the first innaugural Season. The League was gonna wait to announce it the sameday they plan on announcing the draft and when the date for the start of the season is also announced. The team name is The Bay of Men Manhogs and Exercise Guru himself Richard Timmons is the owner of the team (Which explains the weird team name). Richard has been living in Bay of Men for the past 11 years and has decided to purchase a team for the city that he so Dearly loves.

The uniforms have not been designed yet and neither has a helmet or a logo for that matter. So the News leaked out a bit too early. "The media lately has been too nosey and can get up in our grill if we're not carefull" said Richard Timmons to the press during the Golden Boobs Awards Show. No Coach has been named yet but Former musician George Sichael has been rumored to be the Coach of the team but we don't know for sure.

George Sichael coached his sons Pop Warner team for a year and has never won a football game in his entire lifetime. Richard Timmons was asked why he hired him and his response was "Well cuz he's got a cute butt" so Bay of Men will suck this year for sure.

The Nerds of War join the league

Nerds of War Uniforms

6/10/2006

The Nerds of War are just about ready to geek it up Football style. The team is owned by Old Pork's famous Nerdy Director who loves making love to underaged Asian Girls Moody Allen.
Former Hoops coach of the Old Pork Pants Jeff Vanbundy was named the official coach of the team. Van Bundy made the leap to Football because he coached Football in High School and wanted to go back to his roots.

Official Nerds of War Helmet

No comment was given by the owner or coach other than presenting the uniforms to the press.

The Killer Ponies giddy up into the league

5/29/2006

the Detver Killer Ponies becomes the 16th and quite possibly final team for the first season. Believe it or not there is other teams that still want in but are curretnly still trying to file in all the necessary paper work before the possible upcoming deadline. Former 2 time champion in his own right Don Elbay has bought the team and has handed the coaching duties to his former Coach Dan Jeeves. They will play in Kilometer High Stadium.

The Logo looks like it was blatantly stolen but Don Elbay was from the MFL Detver Horses but maybe he got permission to use it from his former team. At this point it is Unknown but the Uniforms kinda look like a mix of the 80's and Present day Detver Horses Uniforms.

The Killer Ponies offial Football Helmet

The Headless join the league

5/28/2006

The HooCheeCheeRoochee Headless Beavers become the 15th team

The Headless Beavers are owned by famous Hollywood Actor George Looney and legendary Pokeland coach John Fadden will take care of the Coaching duties. Yes you heard right that dude who's afraid to fly. Mr. Fadden plans to take a boat for any overseas trips instead of his famous bus.

The Headless Beavers Helmet

Two more teams are in

5/27/2006

Bean Town Redcoats

The Bean Town Redcoats join the league . Big time Bean Town native and famous actor Ben Jacklaf is the registered owner. He hired former Linebacker who played in Bean Town for a short amount of time Bryan Cocks to be his Head Coach. You can bet that he will make these guys hurt alot people on there way to a few championships..... well if they manage to win any of course.

The Bean Town Redcoats official Helmet

The Old Pork Midgets join the league as well as the 14th team to join the league. Start spreading the news cuz Old Pork City has a brand new team that resembles there MFL Counterparts the Old Pork Big people. The owner is The Greedy owner of the famous Baseball team the Old Pork Spankees George Mindbender.

The Coach that Mindbender hired is no slouch but a terror to camera men everywhere. Mr. Discipline himself Tom Cockland. With no Salary cap in place the Evil corporate Tycoon will indeed try to buy himself the Championship. He especially wants the first championship because he knows that the first trophy will don the nickname of the first coach to win it all just like the Lince Bacardi trophy from the other pro league the MFL.

The Tokers have a Team to Cheer for

5/15/2006

Yes you heard right folks The Hamsterdam Cannabis have joined the league. No word on wether they will use Marijuana as a performance enhancing drug. This should be an interesting team to keep an eye on. Actor Tommy Wong from the famous Keach and Wong movies is the Registered owner. He Chose Hamsterdam as the city because he can juice up his boys all he wants and the League can't do anything about it. But unfortunately he chose Marijuana as the breakfast of champions.

His head coach will be Dicky Williams the Famous out of work Football player who failed every drug test the MFL administered. He chose to Coach because it was a more laid back job as opposed to being a player plus it's Hamsterdam and he can smoke all the weed he wants.

The Official Cannabis helmet

Two more teams climb aboard the RMFL Bandwagon

5/14/2006

The newest 2 teams climb aboard

The 1st team in Question is the Mean Bay Muffins and they are owned by the Greatest Basketball player ever Ike Borden. Ike promised the city of Mean Bay that he would not interfere with the team's major decisions and put the Mean Bay people's mind at ease. Another reason that they are happy is that legendary coach Tom Candry will be making all the calls. Tom led the Horseboys to MFL championship 2 different times.

The Mean Bay Muffins intimidating Helmet

The Alkatraz Convicts

The other team is the Alkatraz Convicts, Football great A.J. Sampson is the registered owner. On his way to finding the real murderers of his Ex-Wife he took a break and purchased a team from the league and for some odd reason he decided to call them the Alcatraz Convicts. After all the paper work was done he went and hired Mel Davis as his coach. Mel is the owner of the MFL's most notorious team in Cokeland. Mel wanted to get back into coaching because his professional head coaching career was short lived. He's been following Arena Football lately and feels it'll help him alot as he embarks on this bold courages journey.

The Convicts Official Team Helmet

The league has beamed aboard the Trekkies.

5/7/2006

The Trekkies will try to convince the world that they are not geeks and that they can hang with toughest of Jocks. Famous actor of the show in question (the guy who actually played the captain) is the registered owner. William Fatner who said he would play episodes of Star Trek to inspire his troops in the film room instead of clips from opposing teams. Who knows it just might work and the home uniforms are gonna be red shirts which is quite odd.

Tom Belidick was named the Coach of the team. The City that has accepted this geeky franchise is Confetti Town.

The Chainsmokers won't kick the habit but they will join the league as the 11th Team

5/5/2006

The Marlboro Country Chainsmokers have just inked the deal to join the league. Playtoy magazine guru Lou Heffer finally got his team into the league. He of course as mentioned below got Moe Fontana to be his head coach. Only 3 more teams to go and the league can get going.

Above is the Official helmet for the Marlboro Country Chainsmokers franchise.

The Woodstock Hippies are in an all time High

4/23/2006

Yes that's right Folks the Hipis have entered the league so they have chosen to make War not love in the hostile enviroment of the RMFL. Owner Ronald Chump inked the deal earlier today just before taking over another corporation for his personal gain. He hopes this team can get him even more money so that he can buy the whole planet. He knows there is some risks involves but he says that's what got him to the top.

The Hipis Official Helmet

Mr. Chump is not Foolin around either, he made sure he got the best Coach money can buy. He got Chuck Knome to come out of retirement to Coach this team and take them to the holy grail because he knows Victory really means Mo Money. Chuck Knome is an excellent choice but he has been retired for quite sometime but he did get his Team 4 Toilet Bowl Trophies when he coached the Bitzburgh Dealers, and he built that team from scratch. The league has no Salary cap so Chump could be the Next Bork Mindbenner of the World Famous Old Pork Spankees.

So now that makes it 7 Teams, and still no word on a start date. Buck Nekkid doesn't want your regular run of mill 8 team league. He's aiming for atleast 12 teams but he says he wants more teams to join. He thinks that's where XXXFL failed so he's aiming for more. Donald Chump disagreed with him and told he's fired. Buck just laughed it off .... as well as the members of the Press.

The Latchkey Kids join the League

4/8/2006

Star of the Wolf Network sitcom Jacob in the Center Spanky Nuñez presents the Arsole Latchkey Kids. He named Lince Bacardi as his main man, Spanky said that he will bitch and whine like a little girl and promised the crowd at the press conference that he would get on Lince's back if he doesn't get things goin right off the bat. Lince had a look of regret but from what we've heard he got paid a generous amount of money.

Arsole is the city where Spanky was raised very close to Los Diablos the largest city in Kalifordia. He wanted to give back to the city of Los Diablos. Although many people close to Spanky have said that he's an attention Whore and would do anything to look to like a god among large crowds.

Even tho the team is not officially in Los Diablos it's pretty close by and the city is fired up. Spanky knew this was a good opportunity for him to gain endless immortality so long as the team remains a contender for the championship on a consistant basis. That is why he got the legendary coach who actually died in the 70's. He spent millions to bring him back to life and to lead his team to eminent glory.

League officials have told us that the trophy's nickname will be the name of the first coach to take the Punch Bowl Trophy. Since Lince already has his name etched on the Super Bowl trophy. He hopes to be the only Coach in any sport to win the first championship trophy in 2 sepearate leagues with his pants down.

The Boulders show off there uniforms

4/6/2006

The boulders showed off there uniforms in a press conference today. These uniforms did not have the official helmets for the team and for some odd reason 2 gay Super Models we're asked to model the uniforms for the press conference. The guy wearing number 14 gave Jesse a hard time because he said the colors clashed with his green eyes. The other guy Number 18 threw a tantrum as well because they would not let him hold his purse while the press was snapping pictures.

Enter 5th Franchise

4/4/2006

A 5th Franchise was announced today and that franchise was awarded to Sasquatch Creek. Billionaire Software Geek Extraordinaire Phil Bates is the registered of this team. The stadium believe it or not is in his backyard. The stadium seats 30,000,000 million people YES YOU READ THIS CORRECTLY 30 million fans can watch this game. The city only has a population of 80,000 people and it's in the middle of nowhere. 80 percent of the people will work at the stadium the others are children so they can't work. Phil Bates is hoping this will attract tourists. Phil Named Dike Mitka as his Head Coach and Mitka promised to take this team to the promise land then he paused for a brief moment to clear his throat and said maybe.

The Sewer Rats Uniforms

There is a rumor floating around town that Phil Bates blatantly stole the Sewer Rats Logo by simply doing a Google Image Search because he was too cheap to pay a professional to make it. No one knows for sure. Message Board gurus around the country discovered this and has been floating around days before the actual press conference. Phil did alot of dancing when he was asked about this issue he did the twist and Mash Potatoe mainly and as a result no answer was given.

Still no word on when this league will have it's opening kick off. There is still some teams that are eager to join and the press has been all over this

Rules for the league announced today

4/2/2006

League Rules we're announced today the few owners met today at the local strip joint to discuss possible rules for the matchup. They are as follows

• Roster size for each team will be 20 man rosters. Each team will be allowed to have 10 emergency squad members but they can only be used for emergency purposes incase of injuries.
• The Football field will be a Canadian sized Football field
• Field Goals will be live but if the ball crosses the endzone then it will not be returnable.
• 4 Downs and 10 yards to get a first down
• Play clock is 20 seconds long (This might change)
• 2 point conversions are allowed
• scoring system will be similar to NFL rules Field goals 3 points, Touchdown 6 points, PAT 1 point, and a safety is 2 points.
• Overtime will be be 10 minutes long No sudden Death
• 3 time outs per half
• The League will go with a 16 game schedule.
• Playoff system will be 4 teams for each coneference.
• Penalties will be similar to the NFL but a little loose
• No instant Replay
• No GM Managers and no salary cap so Coaches will have full control of Personel so no excuses are made during post game press conferences
• The Championship game is called the Punch Bowl.

Those are the league rules once the league structure is set in stone then all the owners will meet at a strip bar again to further discuss the rules. So current and future owners get your dollars ready. If changes are required then changes can still be made.

Commisioner Buck Nekkid answered a few questions and then stormed out crying for some odd reason. He did mention that we'll see more teams join the league this coming week prior to storming out like a sissy. He also bumped into a wall when he stormed out.

Playtoy Magazine CEO Lou Heffer has showed interest in starting up a team in this league but he has not given league officials a definite answer just yet. He's more interested in helping design the Cheerleader uniforms. He might also talk to Moe Fontana for the Head Coaching job.

The Punch Bowl will be the name of the championship game.

The Mad Cows join the league

3/27/2006

The Mad Cows uniforms unleashed to the press

Well one rumor has been confirmed the Menfiss Mad Cows unleashed there logo and uniforms making them the 4th team to join the league. Former Pornstar Milky Pornhusker is the registered owner of the team. There's a rumor floating around that she did this on a whim because she realized she was too old to do anymore porn films. She realized this after noticing that she had not received a call from her agent for the past 2 years.

The Mad Cows official helmet

The Mad Cows are hoping that they don't tip over once the season gets underway. Milky even said she'll bet her life savings that her team will make the play offs when the season gets underway even tho her team has no players yet. She also announced that the Coach of the Mad Cows will be Bart Shell the former professional football coach.

A Threesome for the Ages

3/26/2006

The first 3 teams have been announced in a press conference earlier today. The first team announced we're the Bacon County Bedwetters. There colors will be Pink and Black and the uniforms we're presented in the press conference as well ... WOW!!! that was fast. Rumor has it that the uniforms we're made in a childrens sweat shop and some children we're harmed in the making of the uniforms. The team is owned by millionaire playboy and former gay prostitute Dick Craven.

Dick Craven also announced that his head coach will be Robby Night... yes the former Basketball coach who forced one of his players to swallow anal beads because he missed a lay up in practice. No word from him. One thing to note is that Robby did coach Football back in High School, so he does have experience coaching a football team.

Bedwetter Uniforms

Bedwetters Helmet

The second team also had there uniforms made in the same Childrens sweat shop as well courtesy of former famous talk show hostess Kelly Lee of Reggie and Kelly Lee. Reggie Philbert could not be reached for comment. Anyway the second team is known as the Greasy Valley Fleas and there colors will be green black and white. The team owner is famous movie star Kiwi Herman who fell out of the spotlight after they caught him masterbating in a theatre watching a Share Bears Movie.

The Fleas Uniform no numbers on the Jerseys just yet?? which was not mentioned in the press conference.

The Fleas Helmet

The Fleas coach will be Moe Jibbs who lead a team to the championship 3 times with a different Quarterback each time. Later he went on to create the Makin Bacon Race Team which won 11 trophys on there road to glory.

The 3rd team announced we're the Kawlorado Boulders who don't have any uniforms yet or for that matter a logo. No team colors as well but they are considering going with the same colors that Denver Pony's use. The owner Jesse (The buddy) Bentura was not at the press conference. He had a wrestling match scheduled in the Pay per view event WrestleRama 213 against heavyweight champion The Guppy of Death. The team did show off a helmet but the colors might change.

The Coach rumored to be interested in the Job is Harry Blitzer the former college player and later college football coach and also professional football coach who was handed a gift by coaching an unstoppable football team and only managed to win a single championship with that team and failed to deliver a 3 peat.

Jesse "The Buddy" Bentura says he has confidence in naming Harry his head coach.

The Boulder's Awesome Logo was unveiled at the press confence along with the Helmet

When asked why there logo was a plain letter B Jesse the Buddy told the press that coming up with a logo for a boulder was pretty damm hard.

A 4th franchise has been rumored to join the league. That team is the Jallas Convicts who will use silver and dark blue as there team colors. Also a 5th franchise was rumored to join the league as well. The Menfiss Mad Cows are rumored to have a press conference to make it official sometime during the week.

The First Offical player to Enter the Draft confirmed

3/25/2006

The first player who will officially enter the RMFL draft held a press conference today. This player is not just any regular guy. He's a guy that had trouble getting into the NFL, AFL and the CFL. This player is the one and only Half Back/ Quarterback Dirty Sanchez. Dirty was eligible to win the Heismann every single year he played in his 4 year college career in both Positions as a Half back and also as a Quarterback his final year of college.

Rumors spread like wildfire that the only reason he's never won the Heisman was because of his name. 2 of those years he was a Shoe in to win it but writers refused to vote for him. The NFL, CFL, and AFL wanted Dirty Sanchez to change his name.... and for that reason alone he chose to pass on all 3 leagues and has decided to enter the RMFL when the league is ready to start up.

The RMFL embraces Dirty Sanchez with open arms. There is also a rumor floating around that Seymour Cox might be joining the league as well for the same exact reasons. League officials also told us that the RMFL will be using a Canadian sized Football field and are still trying to decide on 11 men or 8 men on the field.

More Details will be reported here as they become available.

Also some more players might be entering the RMFL draft

Wide Receiver Cheech Davis
Linebacker Bubba O' Pootertoots
Kicker Thom Tanzania

The RMFL is officially born

The Official RMFL logo

3/23/2006

The Really Mean Football League Announces the opening of the Really Mean Football League. Former Football hero/ Shoe Shiner/ Can Recycler/ Pornstar Buck Nekkid was name the League's first Commisioner.

No franchises have yet been announced. A press conference was held and the Press laughed when Commisioner Buck Nekkid was beggin for franchises to join the league. So we'll know soon if any cities are interested in joining this league. As of now the rules are still being discussed so there's no word on that just yet. The Commisioner also stated that there will be no salary cap but the free agency system will give teams with worse records first dibs at free agent players.

Also the league will try and prevent teams with lots of money from stocking up on super star players to make sure the league stays balanced.

Possible Franchises that may make there way into the league are the Pico Valley Pussywillows, Beverly Hillbillies, and the The Colorado Boulders. Nothing is set in stone but stay tuned for that.

Possible league sponsors are Depend Undergaments, Flab Soda, and Wasted Magazine. The league is being heavily promoted by TV station MBC because they are desperately trying to get football back after losing it to rival stations.

This is a single player league for now and this stuff is fake.

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